you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
