do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
