yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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