Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
