Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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