They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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