just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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