I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
