The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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