how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
