This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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