that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
