I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude i'm inner monologue high
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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