Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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