btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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