Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
