i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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