she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
