I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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