dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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