She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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