she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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