Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
