She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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