idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
