Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
