# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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