party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
