Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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