I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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