We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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