I just saw a hot homeless man
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
