I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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