So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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