if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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