Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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