his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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