i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize