when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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