I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
