You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My bed smells like the plague
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
