I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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