my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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