I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
