You can't motorboat a personality
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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