I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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