I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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