I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
