Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
