Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
