i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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