I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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