After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
