Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
