I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
