Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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