I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
