I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
