I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
