I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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