Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
