lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
