I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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