Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
