I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
