I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
