Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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