So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
