he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
