I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
