it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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