Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
