chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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