it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
