I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
