I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
