I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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