I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
